I had a positive attitude when climbing my highest mountain. It was not worth thinking about, "What if I don't make it?" In fact, thinking in that manner would have made things worse, and most likely, I would not have made it because of my negative attitude. It may be difficult at first to understand the concept of positivity vs. negativity, but believe it or not, thinking positively helps your mind to heal and you will overcome the problem or the situation.
I was afraid to die and in the beginning, it was difficult for me to think positively...it's normal. However, I started telling myself that I was going to kick cancer's butt no matter what, and this helped me to fight and to not give up. I had faith in myself and in my words. I would not be here if I did not think positively.
I also tried to make the best of my condition. Yes, I was very sick, but cancer could not stop me from having a good time with the people that I loved. I would not allow cancer to make me feel unhappy. Even though there were days when I felt miserable and moody due to the treatments and the drugs that I received, I always tried to look at the bright side.
I remember when my friends visited me at the hospital. I tried my best to be cheerful. I did not want them to feel bad for me. That's the last thing that I wanted...people feeling bad for me. Our friendship did not change; we hanged out in that white, plain, and boring room as if we were hanging out in my room back at home. We always had a good time together.
We watched movies and played games. Sometimes, we talked about school. Since I was not allowed to attend my senior year in high school due to my low immune system, my friends would tell me everything that I missed. We had fun just talking and joking around. When they were not able to come to the hospital, they called me and we would talk for hours.
Missing high school was a big deal for me because education means so much to me. When I was told that I could not attend school, my world came tumbling down. I started thinking about not being able to graduate from high school, not being able to attend my first prom, and maybe not being able to apply for college. I was afraid that I would not be able to realize my dreams.
The social worker at the hospital told me to focus on the present and to hold off the future for a while. She said that I needed to concentrate on what was happening rather than what could happen. She was right. I listened to her advice and I affronted each day step by step. I focused on the present rather than on the future. I still had dreams that I wanted to realize, but I had to hold off my future if I wanted to survive.
All of my strength was used for the present and for one sole purpose: to kick cancer's butt. I knew that I would win my battle against this stupid disease; there was no way that I would let it take me down. Again, my positive attitude paid off. I was able to graduate from high school, attend my first prom, and apply for college.
As for my dreams and my future, they would always be there, waiting for me...and they did wait. I am now a journalism student at Kean University, fulfilling my dream of becoming a talented journalist/writer. Hopefully, someday, I will be the editor-in-chief of a newspaper or a magazine; perhaps my own.
I know that I will succeed in life. All I need to do is have faith, believe in myself, and think positively...because anything is possible!
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